"It is what it is"

As my eyes fill with tears I look at Wayne and ask him "Why do cars have to break?"
He peers at with me through blood shot eyes that speak of too many sleepless nights and says "Why do humans have to break?" He returns to calculating my most recent car bill, stops, turns back to my now tear-drenched face and shakes his head, "It is what it is," he says.

If Wayne, my trusted auto mechanic, was trying to put things into perspective for me, well, he did.

There are few things we can be sure of in this life.
One thing that I am sure of, that I know for certain, is that all things breakdown and die. People die, animals die, the plants die, cultures die, nations crumble, love dissipates, stars implode, and yes, it is most assuredly true, that even CARS age, break and die.

So then why, I ask you, am I so completely SHOCKED every time it happens?

I am currently reading a book on meditation. In this book the author goes through the ancient steps of meditators from the time of Buddha. He reports that back in the day one of the most highly used and practiced meditation objects was that of a dead body. What better way to practice non-attachment than to watch the human corpse slowly decay, day after day? It turns out in old India there were a lot of these said corpses. These things were like Starbucks, you couldn’t pass a corner without running into one.

I am not ready, nor able, nor willing, to stomach this most assuredly beneficial spiritual practice. I am, however, ready to practice some acceptance of (in the words of the great and powerful Wayne) "What It Is."

In the world we live in (our western world) we are very much removed from the What-it-is-ness of the world. (And for the purpose of this dialogue I refer to "is-ness" as all that dies, all that crumbles and withers and breaks and falls apart.) We have developed clever systems of taking all that messy is-ness and hiding it away, out of sight and out of mind.

It is a very magical world we have created. I take my trash to the curb and a wizard of the night swoops it up into the ether before I wake the next morning. (Actually he is a very loud wizard who usually causes quite a raucous). I don't know where it goes, it is just gone. Out of sight.

When someone dies they quickly place the body in a bag and hide it away from the world. Where do all those dead bodies go? Out of sight.

I would also like to say something about the buildings and objects around us. All that we see is so new and shiny. Our world is built in such a way that when something breaks or grows old we can just go and buy, or build a new one. "Don't suffer, don't be sad" our culture tells us, "Just look at this new shiny shiny."
I am reminded of my work with young children. A three-year-old's doting parents, in the effort to keep the child happy, continually supply it with new sparkly plastic objects. If one breaks they quickly distract the toddler, before he even realizes that his toy is broken, by bringing his attention to this new toy.

Or what about the bait and switch schemes invented by parents in order to deal with the "dead pet" reality. I still remember coming home from a vacation to find my hamster had changed the color of its eyes. I didn't know hamsters could do that. Turns out that they can't.

My mother finally confessed to me months later that my beloved "Squeakers" was a fake and a phony. The real Squeakers had died while I was at summer camp. My mother, unable to broach the topic of death, unable to explain the one true reality of the world, unable to allow her daughter to suffer the cruel nature that is our life, opted to do what so much of us do… cover it up, distract, buy a new and improved model.

(Sub note: I was really sad when my mom told me the truth. Not because Squeakers had died, mind you. I was upset that my mother had bought me another freakin' hamster. I had been secretly hoping that Squeakie would find a way out of my life so that I would not have to clean his stinking cage anymore.)

We live in a world that attempts to cover up what really is. We live in a society that is constantly distracting us with the new shiny shiny. We are raised by well meaning parents who in their attempts to make us happy have robbed us of the much needed practice of grieving, suffering and understanding that all that is will one day break apart and die.

We are then shocked, bowled over, left comatose when we have to face, to actually look upon the decaying car, body, pet, nation, in front of us.

I am in no way wanting to be a Negative Nancy here.
It is not my intent for us all to start staring at corpses all day, wearing black and talking about the end of days.

I just think that if we were able to accept a little more of this messy "is-ness" in the world we might be surprised about how freeing and joyful our lives could be. If I could accept the fact that my car will most decidedly break and die, I wouldn't be so flabbergasted, such an emotional wreck, every time it does. Maybe I could then avoid another sobbing-spree in front of Wayne and the other boys down there at Royal Hawaiian Auto.

I appreciate Wayne. I appreciate his wisdom and experience.
And I appreciate his consistent patience with me as I struggle to accept not only my car's mortality but the mortality of all that surrounds me. It is a wise lesson learned.
And it only cost $766.86. Shiny Shiny!!!