Jumping

There is a moment, after your feet have pushed you off the craggy surface of the rock, where you are airborne. You float there for a millisecond, weightless and free. Your heart is beating. Your stomach is in your chest. You feel both exhilarated and frightened and you think: "What in God's name am I doing?" as you crash into the surface of the water below.

I am not a fan of jumping off of things, especially giant large things towering above the ocean. Call me crazy but I believe I came into this world in one piece and I would like to leave it as such. So then why do I consistently find myself on the aforementioned "giant large things" getting ready to hurl my fragile body into the unknown murky waters far, far below?

There is a moment when you find yourself pushing past the fears and thoughts that keep you stuck. There is a moment when you say "I can do this" and everything begins to change. That's what jumping off rocks does for me, it changes things.

I have been thinking a lot about how it came to be that I live on Maui. How did this happen? I owe it to multiple factors which I will not spend too much time on here. In a nutshell: I was unhappy and stuck in a relationship that left me feeling lifeless and drained. I told myself I wanted to be happy and I clung to the feeling so hard that one day I knew exactly what I had to do. One day, a year ago exactly, I stood on the precipice of my life, and I jumped into the murky waters of the unknown. I had no idea how I was going to make it or if it was the right thing to do or if I would even survive. All I knew was that if there was any chance at happiness it would start with me jumping.

From that moment on I began testing my courage and taking more and more leaps into the unknown. Some of these were more profitable than others and yet each one opened up a new space in me, a new path, a new thought that expanded my awareness of what immense joy and happiness could actually be possible in my life.

The biggest leap came in back in June when I put myself onto the plane bound for Maui. High above the world I looked down and saw just how far away I was going. For hours and hours there was nothing but ocean. I wished there was someway I could hold onto the railing of my old life as I put a toe into test the waters of my new life. There is no railing for this kind of jump, no rope long enough, no security blanket. I had to freefall.

There is a moment when you find yourself atop a rock and you don't stop to think "Can I do this? Will it hurt? What could possibly go wrong? What is the point in this? If E=Mc2 then why the hell am I about to jump off of a giant rock 30 feet above the ocean?" You don't stop to think because then you would never do it. And something inside you says "Do it! Be bigger, grow, jump, hurl, challenge yourself to go past what you think you can do."

I am not saying everyone should break up with their fiance, quit their job, sell off all their belongings and move to a giant Volcano in the ocean where they can hurl their body off of rocks on a weekly basis. What I am saying is that everybody should look at where they limit themselves and find a way to push beyond. It can be as simple (or as difficult) as thinking a brand new thought. When was the last time you thought a brand new thought for yourself? What would happen if you spent an entire morning trying to think all new thoughts. It is harder than it sounds but an unbelievable experience. It takes the same amount of courage and strength for me to move my foot off the edge of the cliff.

Each week I get braver about my cliff jumping and can go higher and higher with less fear. (My mother is cringing as she reads this.) It is a physical practice that reminds me of the benefits of pushing past what I think possible and pushing past what I "think" in general. There is no railing or safety rope as I do a cannonball into the sunset, only the wind racing past me, my heart in my throat and a smile of pure bliss on my face.

Go jump!